Thursday, December 24, 2009

Theories on Santa

Over the years, I have developed many theories about Santa.

Allfather Christmas- Santa is clearly the modern job of Odin One-Eye. He knows all, taking especial notice of valor ; he rides his slay with his eight-legged Sleipnir, distributing proper retribution.

This theory has a lot of history behind it, and of course would make a great graphic (yes, I have drawn pictures. Next year, there will be cards.). It works down to the numerology. Odin would of course have the endless budget required by Santa, coming from his magic reproducing ring. Odin even has known trade agreements with elves! And of course the decorated holiday tree had a historical Norse connection.

The only flaw in this theory is that it's kind of utterly terrifying. He's pretty much a reaper god, after all. The idea that children of especial courage may be carried off to Valhalla sort of changes the feel of the day.

That, and I can't figure out where the Valkyrie fit in.

God of Late December- Santa is a loa, able to possess the hearts and bodies of those who appeal to him with the proper offerings (cookies and milk, with lots of red and tinsel decoration). This explains why he looks like your parents; he IS, but he's Santa too. Like Baron Samedi.

I got nothing to prove this wrong, either. Except of course for the problem of him being way more lenient than most gods. But it would explain why parents never ever seem to have enough energy on Christmas day.

Elder God of the Dark Nights- Santa is an extradimensional being, equally present in all times and places visible to humans. Belief and hope provide a thin spot in thew barrier between worlds that allow him to manifest occasionally, increasing his fame and the number of people with the necessary belief. Seemingly benign, he induces a state of dangerous selflessness in the human mind, making people ultimately willing to share anything, including perhaps organs.

Problem, of course, is that he's way too nice to be associated with anything Lovecraft ever handled.

There is of course a heretical theory which suggests Santa simply doesn't exist. But people say that about fairies too, and if they don't exist, who keeps hiding my pens? Ergo.

What's your theory?

Saturday, December 12, 2009

In Which I Receive External Validation

All right, friends and companions, full disclosure: the reason Wondermark moved to the head of my comics-geeking que was that its wonderful benevolent creator, David Malki, was having a rather fantastic blog contest, giving away ten artist-signed-and-illustrated books to adoring bloggers. Now I legitimately AM adoring of Wondermark, and had intended to talk it up, but that sort of put a fire under my bustled tail.

And, lo, I have emerged victorious! Along with 9 other, much better and more established bloggers! Behold!

And this was truly fantastic and rather unexpected. But look again-- among the names of my co-champions?

Robin McKinley.

Robin McKinley, if you don't know, is an author of many actual books, like the Blue Sword, and The Door in The Hedge, and a lot of other books, of which I have read several and enjoyed more than not.* She has her own Amazon bookstore!

And a blog! In which she writes about writing, which is of course something she actually knows about!

While I? Have written some Etsy descriptions, a few trifling blog posts, and a fair number of awkward book reviews.

And yet today, on this glorious near-Christmas morn, I am her equal. I have won over the same audience as an actual professional writer. Never mind that it was in a rather random blog promoing contest; never mind that it was a rather obscure contest. Right now, in this glorious kingdom of the Internet, I AM EQUAL WITH A REAL WRITER.

My ego is currently threatening to o'errun my generous state borders. 2009 has just become my Most Triumphant Year Ever.

Even if I suspect this now means I have to live up to some sort of standard. I will not let the existence of reality spoil my triumph!

* Any writer** who writes enough books is bound to turn out some that are not as solid as others, or just not as much to my taste. Even Pratchett has the Rincewind stories, which I'm just kinda Meh over for the most part.

**Except Stephen King. But that's different, King's a whole separate deal for me, and probably deserves his own post.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Wondermark: In Which Carapace Is Moved to Write A Post

I know, I know, I fell off the face of the earth. And I'm hanging on by my fingertips right now. Both artisanness and The Day Job are hitting their peak, and I'm afraid I'm just not shiny enough to be entertaining right now.

So I'll let someone else be entertaining instead! Lasses and potentially lads, should any deign to show to this doe party here, may I direct your attention to the truly aesthetic frenetic frabulous Wondermark, by the personable and hygenic Malki!?

I'm not being confrontational, there. Malki! is his nom de...plume? Art? Arte? My Latin is nonexistent.


If you like classic illustration, you will like Wondermark, because it is MADE of classical illustration. That's not some post-modern statement like "I'm made of awesome!", Malki! goes and digs up all kinds of weird old Victorian ephemera illustrations to serve as the art for his comics. And alters the heck out of it, to the point where Wondermark is as much collage as clip art. And if you like snarking on said Victoriana, Malki's your guy. There are also strips where people ride Piranhamoose, so good news all around, there. And if you like excessive verbosity and a highly affected writing style, well, he'll keep you occupied while I'm dealing with students and craft fairs.

And if you don't like any of that stuff, I'm afraid we are not going to be friends for long, dear reader, and indeed I question how you even arrived at this location.

Seriously. Go look at Wondermark. And be sure to check out the alt text while you're at it.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Seeking Deeper Something or Other

Prompted by a conversation with a friend...

I kinda like Neil Gaiman. I mean,I've read Sandman and American Gods and Neverwhere, and I thought they had some neat concepts. I didn't mind reading them. It was fun.

But I don't get excited about Neil Gaiman. I don't shout with glee every time I get hear of a new Gaiman book, like I do with, say, Terry Pratchett. I've never gotten so lost in his books that I lose a night of sleep, like I did with Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, or pretty much every King book ever. I like Gaiman ok. I just don't love him.

And I have no idea why. I used to say this sort of work, that I thought was good but somehow didn't latch on to, was in the Farscape zone. Because, by gosh, I *should* have loved Farscape. I wanted to love Farscape. It had everything that usually gets to me. But I felt nothing but resounding meh. I'm not talking about stuff that you understand hating very well-I'm not talking about Twilight/Anita Blake/Tarot here, everyone who hates those knows darn well why. It's not even like my hate of Wicked, which is a whole other post. I should like these things! I DO like these things! I just don't love them!

Does this-- weird disinterest in work that is, by all moral and sensible rules, be absolutely awesome--happen to anyone else? I always think I'm missing something. And I'd love someone to help me get whatever the heck I'm not getting here, because hey, no one's making any more Firefly, and I like having stories to love.

So, if anyone wants to enlighten me, consider this an invitation for in-depth raves in the comments. And if anyone else has something they want to love more, mention it in comments--maybe someone else can help you see why it's awesome. No attacks on fans or unfans, here-- this is just for helping glorify the good, not demonize the opposition.

More art next time!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

परसोना पीपुल इन हिन्दी अप्परेंत्ल्य

Ladies and more useful women, in honor of the forum that really got this blog started-- Character art of forum personas! In some sort of, I guess, Fantasy Kitchen Sink world?

Man, it's been a long time since I did that. But I'm playing with the my shiny new software, Painter, and this seemed as good a place as any to try it out. Recognize them, anyone?

The sad, waaay too geeky thing is that there's reasons behind their designs and everything they're wearing. I already have, like, two issues of comic for the FAE team crew in my head. Weep for the spare time I don't actually possess...

Inaugural Post

Hi, there! For those who don't know me-- what am I saying, if you're here, you know me.

This blog was started largely as a way to keep certain geek topics from taking over certain threads in a theoretically business forum. Ha, that's not going to work. But it can go so much farther here!  So come on, let's argue comics, swap fan art, get into verbal fistfights about which Starfleet captain is hotter.

Oh yes, men are gonna be objectified. Like a lot. And there may be chocolate. Like I said, if you're here, you know me, and there's no point my pretending to be a mature sensible woman.

Let the debauchery begin!